Echleons of despair

-

2005-09-18T21:11:00.000+08:00

im tuning down the blog for about two and a half weeks, sorry for the inconvenience, after that, well, maybe i'll start telling people i have a blog okay ben??

as for now......

calvin dont go anyhow procastinate that your life sucks okay?? im ready to switch anytime you want.

ada, hmmmm....... complicated, cant type out haha

ben, i know i know, you will see the result soon okay?

'niel, who the heck are you?

JI, haha so hows chinese?

the rest: stop spreading stupid rumors behind my back, tell them to me face to face, and uh, come on, STOP IT. its getting irritating

enough said. half an hour is up again. be right back in 2.5 weeks! ( or sooner if i can squeeze in some typing in that half hour everyweek )

SICK

2005-09-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

i dont know whats happening all around me, but if im guessing correctly, its bad. and todays whole bloody ruckus had to start when i forgot to bring my phone and my wallet to school! sounds stupid huh?

anyway im not gonna cause anything today but tomorrows a different matter altogether.

anyway, if i did something wrong or if somethings wrong, can you all tell me puh-leeze??? dont go saying "i cant tell you" or "im not supposed to tell you" or "ive told you enough already" okay?? its kind of irritating. whats all this stuff with my mum, anyway??

as i said, i wont bother today, just gonna live the moment and hope for the best.

dont worry, i wont forget not to bring my stuff again, haha

And a very happy birthday to what will be a (hopefully) very happy person!! =p

STOP ASKING ME WHAT I AM GOING TO DO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO!

2005-09-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

err yeah it speaks for itself.

what am i going to say? hmmmm...

oh ya, errr...... those people who are so intent on avoiding me can you all just stop all that for one day??? i need to erm....talk. so stop trying to run away. i know you all read this.

and uh.....yeah, cant talk much about....other matters cause there is SOMEONE staring over my SHOULDER right NOW. haha im only supposed to use it for 30 mins. urk.

errr calvin and the rest are expecting me to do something about "everything" of which i have no idea so please enlighten me otherwise i'll go mad. or even madder, im already mad.

cant talk much, need to go start on my holiday homework haha im actually gonna go it okay! and uh, im NOT changing my blog to make it look like a girls one okay! im not caring what george and calvin has done and what terence is planning to do. end of story.

as for the rest, since i cant type it all out.......

I've been
waiting a long time for this
moment to come I'm destined
for anything at all
downtown
lights will be shining
on me
like a new diamond ring out
under the midnight hour
well no one
can touch me now
and I can't turn my back it's to late
ready or not at all

well I'm so much closer than
I have ever known
wake up

dawning of a new era
calling
don't let it catch you falling
ready or not at all
oh so close
enough to taste it
almost
I can embrace this feeling
on the tip of my tounge

well I'm so much closer than
I have ever known
wake up
better thank your lucky stars

well I'm so much closer than
I have ever known
wake up
better thank your lucky stars

I've been
waiting a lifetime for this
moment to come
I'm dstined for anything at all

dumbstruck
colour me stupid
good luck
you're gonna need it
where I'm going if I get there at all

wake up
better thank your lucky stars

What do i do now?

2005-09-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

Should I? Could I?
Have said the wrong things right a thousand times
If I could just rewind, I see it in my mind
If I could turn back time, you'd still be mine

You cried, I died
I should have shut my mouth, things headed south
As the words slipped off my tongue, they sounded dumb
If this old heart could talk, it'd say you're the one
I'm wasting time when I think about it

I should have drove all night, I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, Did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood

Could I? Should I?
Apologize for sleeping on the couch that night
Staying out too late with all my friends
You found me passed out in the yard again

You cried, I tried
To stretch the truth, but didn't lie
It's not so bad when you think about it

I should have drove all night, I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good

It's you and I, just think about it...

I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
I 'm hanging outside your door
I've been here before
Misunderstood

I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good.

And so, what do i do now?
im confused

no comment

2005-09-05T21:44:00.000+08:00

errr, long time since i posted huh?

hope you all aint angry or whatever, but my freedom aint very free no more, which means i cant use the computer much among other things.

anyway, EMD was fun yeah? haha although the ruckus that was created before and after it isnt really....good? hmmm at least i hope its all resolved now.

anyway, if theres anything just get me on my phone, i wont be using msn frequently, my mum thinks whenever i turn it on im going to a chatroom and doing stuff haha.

dont worry, i dont think i want to kill george that much now, but ramanan is still.....dead haha.
lets just say he divulged some stuff that he shouldnt have, the whole class is now enraged over the matter.

i will rebuild the LTC website soon to pave the way for next years recruits but dont worry i will only do that after the SA. im thinking along the wavelength of the petition website (http://vs.jonaize.com), hope it will come out as expected.

hope everything is resolved by now (it better be, terence munsoor calvin and co want to hear from me) and a really happy early birthday to a very special someone (in case i really cant use the com before the 13th)

who cares

2005-08-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

i didnt know i was so popular that everywhere i go people must talk about me
especially behind my back.

anyway

must get below 20 points to confirm my SL-ship, which is possible (duh) so uh, who cares about the CA? haha sorry calvin

problems getting worse and worse, no time to type, i hear a woman screaming for me to stop using the computer cause if i use the computer for more then an hour my results will drop.

oh well

Summer Update 2005

2005-08-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

weblog v6.14

yeah, its the sixth time i changed my stupid skin, sorry ah, i dont have the time to create a real one, so theres all these crap but who cares?

received a mail from yahoo management saying i exceeded my bandwidth! thats surprising since the only file that is accessed there is live.mp3, which probably means lots of people visit my blog, which is.....bad.

anyway my results totally suck. this is the first time ive seen a mark of mine go so low, although yeah, its chinese as expected.

oh well, things have changed.

Despair. Destruction. Dismay. Delight. Desire. Death. Dream

2005-08-24T20:53:00.000+08:00

Seven of the endless.
Neil Gaiman

hmmm
bad to worse, worse to worst, worst to erm.......even worse to erm.........hell

oh well enough of my ramblings. in all, i screwed my ca, my parents screwed everything else

huh. on another note, somethings.....wrong, i feel something in the air, and my erm predictions are always correct :)

i make RAINBOWS

2005-08-21T22:03:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been....messy, very messy, very very messy, very very very messy, very very very very..... etc etc

heh want to know what happened? im not telling.

haha to sum it all up its serious. everythings been cut, i mean everything

oh well, shall not say anything about the co-ed issue here, you probably seen enough on other blogs. we shall wait for ang trmw, all eyes are on him haha.

CHAOS

2005-08-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

urk.

life in shambles.

too many problems in school alone, dont even talk about home

haiz, why are the VEC so bloody foolish? they should have known this would happen

http://vs.jonaize.com,

btw, wont be able to come online so often now, as i said, problems.

uh......

2005-08-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

where is everyone?
kind of lost, in the thinning crowd
argh geog and social studies test trmw, gonna DIE
think for the first time this year im gonna get full marks for a maths test haha geometry was CHICKEN!
haha hopefully i will enjoy the morrow if the class wants to "celebrate" the end of our two day CA haha
feeling poetic for some reason, and colourful haha

lose those illusions man, theyre clouding your mind
fight the reunion dude, its ruling your world
live your life girl, you only got that one

The night has a thousand eyes
And the day but one;
Yet the light of a bright world dies
When day is done.
The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.

And As We Wind On Down The Road,
Our Shadows Taller Than Our Souls,
There Walks A Lady We All Know,
Who Shines White Light And Wants To Show,
How Everything Still Turns To Gold,
And If You Listen Very Hard,
The Truth Will Come To You At Last,
When All Is One And One Is All,
To Be A Rock And Not To Roll......

And She's Buying A Stairway,
To Heaven

something for the weekend

2005-08-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

trying hard to speak
And fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
So part of the plan

When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can

I dive in at the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you but I don't know if I can

I know something is broken
and I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it anyway I can

In demon days, it's cold inside
You don't get nobody, people sigh
It's so bad, lasting far, but love yourself
Hiding in a hole in there
All the glasses are too big
Bring it back, got to hold it back
To let you do that yet you don't want me back
Before it fall down, falling down falling down
Falling out to go far from the soul

Well these demon days are so cold inside
It's so hard to live, and so to survive
You can't even trust the air you breathe
Cause Mother Earth has a soul to leave
When lies become reality
You love yourself because it's easy
Pick yourself up it's a brand new day
So turn yourself round
Don't burn yourself, turn yourself
Turn yourself around to the soul

lWiRedl

training cancelled AGAIN
ended up wasting my time since i couldnt go for table tennis as they were at bishan.....bleugh
came home, sent a few messages to the wrong people haha

two out of three

2005-08-11T20:32:00.000+08:00

need somewhere to shout

so i came here since everyone is like erm.....doing stuff i guess

too pissed to type coherently

here goes

stuff that happened :

1) okay this i wont tell

2) ......this neither

3) hmm..... there was some meeting for like nine red shirts, joshua said we were the "hopefuls", then proceeding to tell us how to torture the sec 2s this year cause they all suck or something, i guess this isnt a bad thing but we all agree that joshua just wants to look important or something, haiz

4) training cancelled. just as me and nicholas already prepared our letters of resignation in the dire case that sec 2s take high positions

5)so am i going for obs or not? somehow, somehow, even though the school paid a thousand bucks for me to go langawi, they still want to pay five hundred more. weird huh? then dominic was outraged cause mr siow cancelled his name haha, told him to go talk to mr siow and become a reserve loh, aiya minor stuff lah, go or dont go doesnt make much diff now

6) other stuff which i also wont tell :)

time to cool down and pour some ice water down my back and hear it boiling off.....

.

2005-08-09T15:02:00.000+08:00

I tear my heart open, you sew me back up
Your greatest strength is that you care so much
Your scars remind you that the past is gone
I tear my heart open, just to feel you sew

hey

2005-08-06T11:17:00.000+08:00

hey guys, hows it going?

this will most probably be one of my last posts here :(

stuff has happened yesterday that are a bit....complicated

oh well, guess you all know how to get to me if need be

cheers

These are the nights....

2005-08-03T20:36:00.000+08:00

life changing events in the making

1) Air rifle elections : i seem to have a knack for getting posts "high up" that i really dont have time for, so i hope i will just be secretary or something, but that seems unlikely

VOTES: ian (15) me (10) nicholas (8) matthias (7) nicolaus (5) jun han (0)

2) Table tennis resumes : going to attend trainings once more haha, hopefully able to make it twice a week, on friday and saturday

3) Finding the buckle : gonna have to buck up and study. real hard. really really hard. just wish my mom would leave me alone.

4) X-C : yeah running on friday for glam. not planning on running hard, so dont expect anything

5) IC : someone go with me and make my IC leh! otherwise i will be alonnneeee on monday when i go haha

6) Pioritize : gonna have to work up some piorities here, seems im not managing my time well, im going like from the morning to about six in school , then rushing home and doing homework till one, then sleeping for five hours.

7) MONEY : need to SAVE. need to buy STUFF. need to pay for EVENTS. need to EAT. wishing money grew on trees or fell from the sky. haha

8) OBS : looks like the langawi peeps aint gonna go no outward bound school, mr siow says we already went through enough or something like that. sad :( anyway i guess that frees up my time in the september holidays. who wants a gathering??

oh well, im gonna see myself through this period and laugh at myself in about two weeks as usual.

p.s. eh calvin, you better tell me when you are free, fast. september is coming. we gotta do something

These are the days...

2005-08-03T20:29:00.000+08:00

time for a change

breaking a few habits

making more new ones

doing what i ought to be doing

but never got to

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That i'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause i'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
Breaking the Habit
Tonight

....huh

2005-08-01T19:37:00.000+08:00

im spread too thin, ive got too much to do, im thin enough already, dont make it worse :)

haha today i have to finish 2 chinese compos, 1 geog worksheet, about 4 months worth of maths homework, my chem workbook, my chem prac workbook, my physics workbook, my physics prac workbook, also i need to study for a chem, maths and physics test, and research for my geog assignment. added to that, my mom wants me to do chinese and my dad wants me to do A maths, and thats just today :)

woo im so relaxed

:)

oh for the love of god

2005-07-30T10:16:00.000+08:00

why is everyone against me? why am i an exile in my own home, in my own land? why cant i have my own opinion? why am i the master of things i dont need, of things i dont want? why are those whom i consider close not close at all? why am i saying this? why cant i instill what i need in my mind?

grrr

oh well

Theres gotta be more to life...

2005-07-28T20:34:00.000+08:00


I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... There's gotta be more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm wanting more

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....
Always... Always...

More to life
There's gotta be more to life more to life
There's gotta be more to life more
More to my life

BoRed

2005-07-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

Interesting facts about the LTC website, sorry about the untidiness, but i had to edit it using blogger, which basically cannot edit things at all haha


Summary by Month

Month	Daily Avg				Monthly Totals
Month	Hits	Files	Pages	Visits	Sites	KBytes	Visits	Pages	Files	Hits

Jul	2397	1975	1428	41	429	784493	1127	38567	53338	64736
Jun	3023	2299	1486	48	660	1072743	1465	44598	68990	90707
May	3285	2726	1952	48	608	940382	1504	60525	84511	101864
Apr	2673	1660	465	48	663	891100	1446	13976	49822	80218
Mar	2070	1153	319	37	532	637488	1166	9903	35756	64193
Feb	2675	1901	1388	35	444	618963	1003	38889	53242	74913
Jan	3077	1657	322	48	614	759363	1516	9984	51372	95395
Dec	6666	4214	1720	55	852	2155856	1734	53332	130642	206664
Nov	10074	5940	1859	59	884	4412059	1776	55799	178213	302236
Oct	2208	1540	187	13	252	415835	432	5806	47759	68458
Sep	1100	854	99	8	150	216043	242	2872	24784	31919
Aug	794	662	34	5	99	175872	155	1067	20547	24635

Totals						13080197	13566	335318	798976	1205938

well, it was kind of interesting to see that many people visiting a website that frankly is only active for about half a year. verified by the spike in december and november. (haha no offence meant Terence)

haha anyway today was kind of okay. went to school, signed up for obs with calvin, flunked my circular measures A maths test, kind of weared out my throat, ate lunch in class, went for the australian national chemistry quiz thingy, took my test after that in the library, went for training for about an hour since it was already finishing, then went home.

Edwin finally lent me his shoes, but he wants it back on tuesday!! and that is like so soon. bleaugh, too much stuff to buy with zero dollars to spend.

oh wells, haha ada went and told everyone in singapore that was listening to power 98 that it was my birthday, and people from my school actually listened and recognized who "ching kai" was!! good thing im not dead yet haha. also got a extremely nice letter from ada yesterday (thanks a lotttt!), gave calvin his card today (he walked off looking happy haha), got my LTC photos today (Austin and Hong han if you are reading get yours from me) , and might not be going to school tomorrow.

doh?

2005-07-26T19:32:00.000+08:00

okay now, two hours after i left school, i proclaim to the world that yeah, today WAS my birthday haha.

it wasnt on sunday
it wasnt yesterday
it was today
26-07-2005

yay, my subterfuge worked

oh wells, day was okay, maths was boring and uncomprehensible as usual, mr wong scolded us for one hour during chemistry as usual since our whole class didnt do the worksheet as usual. mother tounge was time for half the class to sleep as usual, and we had three free periods since mdm kwok didnt come (which is NOT usual haha)

then went to go for three hours of boring math till 5+ when i went home as usual.

aint life predictable?

3 hours to who knows what

2005-07-25T20:43:00.000+08:00

expecting nothing that should be expected
feeling nothing that should be felt
what is this emotion
the emotion of nothingness
for what have i led this life
for what have i stayed on so long
for what am i carrying on
i need to know
somebody tell me
free my mind

heyy little sis
are you still that star wars fan?
are you still that little green man?
you surprise me everyday
sometimes for better
sometimes for worse
you are an enigma
a shroud surrounds you
when i think i know whats happening
i find out i dont
you are one unique person
that i give
so i look on for the key
that unlocks your mysteries

ouch

2005-07-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

grr........bad day

i shall speak no evil

bleaugh

racial harmony!

2005-07-21T20:53:00.000+08:00

we were certainly very harmonious in the celebrations today. haha

din came in this erm...kilt which kind of made everyone stare at him, he then changed into uniform due to some teacher thinking he was making a joke. haha

then those food vendors came, selling god-knows-what food, i only recognized the rice, the rest was a black lump of what they called chicken and otah. too bad i couldnt afford to try it, that rice thing alone cost 3 bucks.

and then there were the celebrations. all the four races decided that they should do something together, so the whole school started clapping without reason once someone spoke.

"good afternoon school"
*clapclapclap*
"if you children are going to continue with this"
*clapclapclap*
"then we will not continue with the celebration"
*clapclapclap*
"fine."
*clapclapclap*

hahaha

silence is golden

2005-07-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

hey dad hey mom
its been a long time since i talked to either
its been fifteen years
do you regret anything?
do you regret me?
i certainly do

hey pop
hows your life been going
do you think i'm still alive?
you think you do
but you dont know me one little bit

hey mom
i dont know how to say this without offensive language
but you dont care
all you do
is make sure you look good in front of people

now i know
what both of you are
that i can rely on neither
that i can talk to none
where is my home?
where are my parents?

i maintain my radio silence
i am waiting for you two to know
perhaps never
perhaps now

whatever it is,
don't bother,
cause now i know,
who i can rely on,
who i can turn to,
who i can talk to,
who i can
who i will
who i must

no one
because i walk alone

home is where the heart lies

2005-07-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

bad thing is, i have no home *pause for gasps*

haha track and field finals!

we managed to get in the top few no matter how lousy our team was this year!

hahahahaha

reached home like 930 but it was fun lah, kind of starved throughout the thing. haha it was quite funny in how we hanged the banners. we were so innovative haha. must go paint even more so we can cover the chinese low, oh i mean hwa chong institutions banners haha.

-maintaining radio silence- .............sort of

Weeping in the rain that has no wind

2005-07-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

someone tell the rain to stop and the wind to fall
cause i can stand it no more

-maintaining radio silence-

...---...

alone once again

2005-07-16T20:23:00.000+08:00

shoebag wallet money schoolbag handphone life computer food chocolate specs jacket pants friends

thank you.

on another note, i think i am losing someone *takes in breath* which is quite sad.

hmm....

searching.....

2005-07-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

theres something missing in my life, this something comes and goes
oh well, off with the crap

i think i screwed my physics test, i only realised the answer at the last minute!! no time to draw finish the bloody parrallerogram and measure the angles and all that. there are 7 tests next week!! 3 chem, 3 maths, 1 physics. kind of sucky.

its been simply too long since i have shot. my average has gone down, from 40+ to 35+, which is horrible. haha looks like they suffered yesterday when i didnt come, they had to do 2 hours of pt hahaha, and they are blaming me for it!

im hoping us (banner com) will be released extremely early on wednesday haha. the C div should be champions but the B div might have problems, all of them boycotted and end up all those good ones didnt even participate.

oh and special mention goes to dennis, he even takes the trouble to complain about me to the other AR juniors in my absence, which is like so nice of him.

GC: Ghost of you

And I will wait until the end
When the pendulum will swing back to the
Darker side of our hearts bleeding
I will save this empty space
Next to me like its a grave
Where I lay a place for us to sleep eternally together

I have been
Searching for
Traces of
What we were

A ghost of you
Is all that I have left
It's all that I have left of you to hold
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me
And nothing left of what we were at all

So here I am, pacing around this house again
With pictures of us living on these walls
I see my breathe in the cold of the air that I breathe
And I'm wondering
I'm wondering if it's you that i feel
If its you that I feel here haunting me forever

I have been
Searching for
Traces of
What we were

A ghost of you
Is all that I have left
It's all that I have left of you to hold
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me
And nothing left of what we were at all

And i'm not looking for
Anything but us
Anything but what we were
And i'm not asking for
Painted memories
I only want to know you're here

A ghost of you
Is all that I have left
It's all that I have left of you to hold
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me
and nothing left of what we were at all

A ghost of you
Is all that I have left
It's all that I have left of you to hold
I wake in the night to find there's no one there but me
and nothing left of what we were at all.

tell the wind to fall

2005-07-14T20:51:00.000+08:00

well, i have to say, i am now bankrupt

i had another of those one-sided "discussions" and my salary was cut

cut cut cut cut cut

i now have enough to eat on three days of the week :)

oh well, reflecting on the past year of my life, i have to say i have broken a lottt of records this year, for better or for worse

Most time used on the computer
Most time used on the computer in a row
Most money spent
Most time spent on the phone
Most messages sent
Most sickening decline in acadamics
Most bad news
Most hectic year ever

Oh well, thats but the tip of the iceberg, but i think you all get what i mean. cheers!

wake up call

2005-07-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

Bzzt

AHH my SPEECH!
AHH my HOMEWORK!

AHH CRAP!

I'm probably gonna sleep at 2am tomorrow to do my work, haiz

at least school was moderately okay today.....

argh 2.4 is tomorrow and i have no running shoes!!

oh well, at least im getting some headway in my work, i completed some of the maths holiday homework today :)

wishing time could either go back one month or go forward one month
dreaming i led a different life and walked a different path

forget forget foget

2005-07-12T21:30:00.000+08:00

6pm:
just reached home

7pm:
tired.....need sleep
zZzZzZzZzZz.........

9pm:
ohhh shi*!!
my SPEECH!
my HOMEWORK!
zZzZzZzZzZz........

argh

2005-07-11T21:03:00.001+08:00

I need help with my maths, to be frank, mr koh aint no good teacher. what i dont understand is why he has to teach our class. i am not saying hes like anion or something but he doesnt know how to teach maths at all! i know its hes first time trying it but why does he have to teach us when what we need is a good maths teacher, and dont go teach both A and E maths lar!

Whatever the reason, my maths is dying...

every minute of anger is sixty seconds of happiness wasted

untitled

2005-07-10T15:13:00.000+08:00

i need a break, i dont care how long, i dont care when, as long as its soon
seven days of the week i am in school
twenty four hours a day i dont get a break
sixty minutes a hour i am busy
i cant afford to go on, im gonna snap soon

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

something in particular

2005-07-09T20:53:00.000+08:00

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot
From jumping out the second floor

I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems
I'm not okay
I've told you time and time again
You sing the words but don't know what it means
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look

I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you'd read me like a book
But the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay, now

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay
Trust me

I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
Okay

life sucks

2005-07-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

Yeah i know its cruel, but i kind of feel like that guy, bad thing is, i also feel like the other guy who created this (no its not me for once)

Had a half hour "talk" with my father yesterday. it was rather one sided to say the least, it started with "i dont know what to do with you" and ended with "i still dont know what to do with you". i guess you can guess what happened in between

Oh well, at this rate, i think things might have to change a little bit.

bleaugh

Good Charlotte : S.O.S

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening
Listening

I've been stranded here and I'm miles away
Making signals hoping they'd save me
I lock myself inside these walls
'Cause out there I'm always wrong
I don't think I'm gonna make it
So while I'm sitting here
On the eve of my defeat
I'll write this letter and hope it saves me

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening
Listening

I'm stuck in my own head and I'm oceans away
Would anybody notice if I chose to stay?
I'll send an SOS tonight
Wonder if I will survive
How in the hell did I get so far away this time
So now I'm sitting here
The time of my departure's near
I say a prayer
Please someone save me

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening
Listening

I'm lost here
I can't make it on my own
I don't wanna die alone
I'm so scared
Drowning now
Reaching out
Holding on to everything I love
Crying out
Dying now
Need some help

Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening?

Good/Bad/Terrible

2005-07-05T20:54:00.000+08:00

Had a lot of fun yesterday

Went to KK Hospital to visit someone whom i know from another someone (shhhh....)

Went to meet Calvin, Darius, Austin, Ada and Lucie at Orchard MRT

Went to a food court in Takashimaya to eat lunch and were joined by Malina and Aisha
(Dont go there to eat! Its expensive and the portions are TINY! haha)

Parted with Darius and Aisha

Went to Lido to get tickets for A Lot Like Love

Us guys then sat down at Macdonalds and stoned
Them girls went to some fruit shop and some picture framing shop (haha)

Then went to watch the movie which was quite nice (yes ada, it was) other than someone pinching me before the movie which hurt.

Then started walking to the MRT only to find on the way there that ada lost her EZ link card

Went back to find it to no avail

Walked back to the MRT

Went to kembangan

Went to the city

Took dinner

Went home

Haha dunno why i typed like that but yeah, that was basically it. thing is, i dont have time!! i feel like doing so many things to my websites and so on but theres no time!!! grrr.

School today sucked. Okay not really, but i died of boredom about one lesson into the day

2 lessons of BORING E maths
3 lessons of BORING Geography
2 lessons of BORING Chinese
3 lessons of boring (lower case) Chemistry

Oh and we came up with the theory that our geog teacher had found the means to stop time, we wrote like a whole paper on it and found out it took only 5 minutes. weird huh

Hope the days to come will be better.....

Yeah

Weird

2005-07-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been....hectic to say the least.

I have been.....emotially challenged, haha

In school, i had a sort of descussion with dennis, one that didnt really go well. well, all i have to say is that hes biased against me . if you talk about CCA attendence i can say the others in AR that were not in the squad last year were much much worse then me, so why drop me because of that? weird huh. Oh and my acadamics......... haiz at least jaymond and austin and like half my class are with me so thats okay.

I dont really feel like talking about my family.

End of story

Today I wake up from my slumber
Today I shake off my chains
Today I realise my dreams
Today I throw away yesterday

Because I have awoken

I have tasted the bitterness of failure for too long
I have smelt the feeling of despair too much
I have felt the wrenching of my heart too many times
I have seen the fall of the great
I have heard the sirens call

Because I have awoken

Yesterday I was dust
Yesterday I didnt exist
Yesterday I was asleep

But now I am awake

And I shout to the world my challenge
And the Earth shakes in apprehension

Because I am awake
And I am here to change the world

EXTREMELY PISSED

2005-06-30T21:28:00.000+08:00

I'm so angry right now i feel like smashing the moniter into pieces and throwing the keyboard out the window.

I'm feeling murderous, keep away from me the next few days until i refrost.

Its not just a few things thats making me this riled up, this cantankerous feeling comes from everything.

school friends family

Things that make up peoples lives

Instead destroy mine

thinking of nothing is having nothing to think

2005-06-27T21:36:00.000+08:00

I realised that in the past week i had many.....refreshing calls from people whom i thought lost.

Firstly was Alvin, my ex-shepherd, i didnt even have his msn but he got to me somehow, haha time flies doesnt it?

Secondly was someone whom i will refer to as you know who. you know who has been talking to me quite frequently nowadays and has well, cleared my mind on a lot of matters. haha my new phone record : eight and a half hours!!

Ahh my moms chasing me from the com so i'll end here and enlighten everyone trmw

Haiz

2005-06-27T20:52:00.000+08:00

How unitied are we??

One perfect example is the bbq...look at the turnout, its usually the same group of people who come, who plan, who bother. Looking at this, i realise the SLs are going to have to have a problem in choosing next years SLs.

Oh well, my class is as united as ever, everyone doesnt really bother in homework, so the whole class ends up standing and the teacher ends up able to do nothing about it. Oh well, typical sec 3 life i guess.

Hello world

2005-06-26T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm public

Thats it, everythings gone, saved into my hard disk, all 189 posts ever posted, all tags, all links.

Template changed, contents changed.

Oh well, time to start linking....